What IF Your Dog Could Talk?

Ran accross this the other day and had to post...if you have a dog you'll understand :)


THINGS YOUR DOG MIGHT SAY IF IT COULD SPEAK

--You know, my butt-scooches across the floor just haven't been the same since you replaced the carpet with wood.

--By the way, dude, your Michael Vick jersey? Not cool.

--You just made a throwing motion. And even though nothing came out of your hand, and I have every reason to believe you're just effin' with me, I'm going to sprint for a few hundred yards anyway.

--Stop pressuring me! To be honest, I don't even want to be a world-class Frisbee dog! There, I said it! Are you happy now?

--Hey, pal, the whole "spiked collar" thing? Gayer than a dime store pennywhistle.

--Just to reciprocate, I'm gonna dig through YOUR crap for worms today.

--So you got me to sit. Big deal. I have YOU trained to carry my feces around the neighborhood in a Wal-Mart bag.

--Uh, I don't think you wanna wrestle with me right now . . . my pink thing is out.

--Ha ha! I just licked your face AFTER I licked my butt.

--Dude, you see that poodle? I totally hit that.

--I'm not a violent animal, but if you try to put that sweater on me, I will bite your face off.

--Don't think I haven't noticed that you only walk me when you see that hot chick who loves dogs jogging past the house.

--Why the hell do I keep bringing this ball back if you're just going to throw it away again?

--Ok, two more scoops of food a day, or I let the wife know what you do in front of the computer when she's out.

--Someone should check and see if that Cesar dude from the "Dog Whisperer" has his Green Card.



Have a GREAT Weekend!